Hi All,

I will no longer be posting anything here — please visit www.traceb.com instead. Thanks!

Trace

Mt. Wilson

I can’t believe that every single year I find something new that I love about running.  After coming back from nearly a 10 year break from competing, I fell in love with the marathon distance. Shortly after that, I fell in love with track, which by the way, is something I hated in high school and college.  I knew that I also wanted to get into ultra marathons (anything longer than a marathon) after reaching some short(er) distance goals first.   What I love about ultras is the opportunity to be out in nature, breathing in crisp cool air, rugged and challenging terrain, and of course, not having to worry about getting hit by a car.

A few weeks ago I went to REI and bought a Camelbak and Peanut Butter GU (YUM) because I wanted to start hiking and trail running on the weekend.  It might seem silly but that stupid pack really got me excited and moving in that direction to finally get out there.  My friend Ashley, who also had an infatuation with the marathon had recently switched to running ultras and was hiking nearly every weekend at Mt. Wilson, so I asked if I could join her the next time she was headed out there. Although I had become somewhat familiar with this trail, seeing her check-in every weekend on Yelp and noticing that it took several hours to complete, made me anxious to challenge myself in a new way.  We agreed on the weekend and headed out really early, around 6am, stopping by on our way out. Duh. We were definitely on a mission, and I was glad that Ashley had let me join her.

This is what I call a "good time."

As we started the hike, it seemed like we were climbing and climbing and climbing before Ashley mentioned that we hadn’t even gotten to the switchbacks.  I was already breathless, I was so impressed, I had no idea what I was in for.  Thank goodness I had dressed in layers because it was very cold and we were freezing!   I swear to this day that my lips had turned purple from the cold. We stopped a few times  (only for a few minutes) to refuel and to take in the sight of some deer that had stopped in the middle of the trail in front of us.   When we finally made it to the radio towers at the top, we were disappointed that the clouds were blocking the views of Los Angeles all around us. Ashley had been talking about the wonderful views as soon as we started and I felt bad that she was disappointed when she couldn’t show me what she was talking about. Finally, we decided it was time to run the entire way back so we could try to beat her 4-hour record (actually, I think the record was 3:52:00 or something like that).  We were hauling ass (excuse the language) down and me being the rookie that I was, AND not wearing trail shoes, fell right on my butt at least three times. As we were close to the base, we knew we were going to smash that record and we hauled it in just to be sure. I was exhausted, I felt high, I was so happy and I can hardly explain it.  As soon as we finished these 14 miles, we got a bite to eat, had a beer, and then walked over to REI to buy more stuff for our next trail excursions.  When I got back to Dom’s house, I was walking soooo slow.  I headed to the shower and walked straight into the door frame, nearly knocking myself out after  hitting my head (two weeks later and I still have a sore spot on my forehead). I was too tired to cry, I started laughing, jumped into the shower, and then quickly knocked out for a few hours. For the next few days I could barely move, EVERYTHING hurt.  I knew it then that I had to get out there again so that I could master this newfound love.

Trace's Anatomy. Amazing opportunity to record my Echocardiogram.

Wow, I don’t even know where to start since so much has happened lately. I guess I will start by saying that I had been planning to return to school and keep my resolution to finish everything I start (and not start things that I may not want to finish) and had registered for classes in Orange County at a junior college with only two classes needed to complete my AA. My plans following this completion would be to go back to the university and focus on what I really love: athletics.

Surf City Marathon was less than a month away and I began having serious talks with my coach Sylvia. I remember her being really honest with me and asking me to ask myself if I was ready. We began these talks after I began to get frustrated with injuries that seem to haunt me during marathon training. One particular conversation left me sad for an entire day, she said that maybe we should even consider focusing on shorter distances including the 5,000m or 10,000 for the upcoming track season. Although I had been talking about running track after Surf City, I was in a bad place that day and I just kinda blurted out, “I am too slow to run a 5k or 10k, I am only decent at the marathon!” Boy, did that make her frustrated, considering I just had a pretty good summer season of 5ks and even nearly breaking 18:00 at Cypress. It was her next few sentences that made me rethink everything, especially when she said, “this marathon is controlling your life.” Wow, she was right in a way. All I could ever see or appreciate was the damn marathon. I wanted to (and still do) want to break 3:00:00 so badly that I simply put on my blinders to any other running competitions. How ridiculous…I love running and running was becoming my worst enemy.

A few days later while I was picking up some things at a random place in Fullerton, a gentlemen came up to me and asked which events I run. I was wearing a USA T&F backpack that my therapist had given me after returning from the Pan American Games. I simply responded, “10,000m and 5,000m but I am about to run a marathon in less than a month and haven’t competed in track since Bakersfield College (BC) back in 1999.” We exchanged a few words and I gave him my card and found out he was the head throw coach at Cerritos College. A few days later I was contacted by the head distance coach John Gold Goldman at Cerritos College and he was interested in me joining the team for a season of track.

What?! Really? Me? I am 32 years old and I don’t even think I have any eligibility left since I red-shirted my freshman year at CSU, Sacramento (1997-98) and even ran XC and track at Bakersfield College. At this point I was really confused. School started at Cerritos nearly the next week and I was already set at the other school in Orange County. Long story short, all this started happening at the same time I was conversing with my coach about stepping back from the marathon to get in a good track season as an unattached runner, getting my ass kicked and gaining some really good experience and hopefully a few PRs. I thought long and hard over the weekend, my coach told me she would support me no matter what I decided but to think it through. Without a lot of time waste, I consulted with my close friends and boyfriend and the consensus was to go for it. I met with my potential new coach at the school, we had tracers ran on my transcripts and before I knew it, I was all cleared to run (kind of). Lucky for me, I was eligible simply for the fact that I only ran one season of track at BC and had somehow managed to complete an additional 24 units since my last season of competition over 10 years ago! Weird. Luck. Whatever!

The hardest part about making this decision quite honestly was leaving my coach. I feel like I learned so much from her and we figured out how to work like a team. I really grew as an athlete and a competitor and most importantly, found a new respect for the sport that I hold so dear. The easiest part however, was knowing that I was given another opportunity to complete something that I left behind so long ago. Seriously, who can honestly say that they have had another opportunity after such a long break? I did have my doubts and even called my new coach to tell him that I kind of felt like I was in shock, going to practice again with college athletes much (much, much) younger than me. I told him I wasn’t sure I was making the right decision and asked if I could think about it over the weekend to make sure. I also asked him, “What’s in it for me?” I mean really, why would I do this? He was really honest and told me that he wouldn’t go through all this to get me on the team if it wouldn’t benefit Cerritos as well and we agreed that the plan would be to get picked up for a Division II school (I don’t have any Division I eligibility left since I redshirted at a Division I school previously) which should be very possible if I could run like I had this past summer.

Finally, after committing, I was almost in when I failed my school physical due to a detected hear murmur. I told my boyfriend, this is all too coincidental — either I was called to run and get back in school, or I was called to find out about this so-called heart condition. A week later, after getting an EKG and Echocardiogram, and probably a good amount of money later (still waiting for the bills), I was finally given the green light and tomorrow will be my first race at Mt. Sac running the 5,000m. I really don’t feel race ready but it is still early in the season. My goals are simple: Break 18:00 in the 5,000m and try to run a 36:00 10,000m and hopefully go to the Stanford Invitational again and state finals!

When I start to get uncomfortable with my decision I just remind myself that I have the opportunity to finish what I started, I get to do what I love, and most of all, according to my new coach, “It’s only 4-1/2 months of (my) life.”

That’s right, it’s been nearly 12 years, what’s 4-1/2 months?

So all of my friends have been messaging me like crazy wondering what is going on. I know…I have been avoiding you all because I didn’t want to tell you anything until I had firm plans. Anyway, Surf City passed and I purposely didn’t run since something else came up. Will update you about that later…Right now I am in the middle of updating this blog — I couldn’t stand looking at it anymore! Right now the theme looks different and it will continue to look different as I have more time to update it. I found out today that teammates are visiting my site and sharing with everyone — I find that funny and I hope they find what they are looking for. If you know me, you know I am an open book and can ask me anything. Anyway, will update you soon.

XO,
TRACE

Coach and I had finally settled on my next marathon which was 12 weeks away from race day. It was my job to find a couple half marathons and a 5K to run before the big race. I decided to run the Santa to the Sea half in Oxnard, a very small, fast course just about an hour away. I knew a lot of friends who have raced it and who would be running this year so I was pretty excited. As race day approached, I quickly realized I wasn’t in race shape as I was finding myself struggling with my shorter tempo run (4-5 miles @ 6:40 pace) and coach told me to use this race as a tempo training run, “…and maybe surprise yourself.”

As I toed the starting line, with 7 full weeks of base training under my belt, I felt relieved that I wouldn’t be hitting the wall somewhere out there on the course but also full of stress because my Garmin wasn’t catching a signal and I was very rushed to get to the starting line. My plan was to run with my friends Radell and Mike who would be pace leaders for the 1:30:00 group. I figured I would do my best to stay with them and pick-up later if I felt good.

At the start of the race, I stayed with them and early on I was able to count the females in front of me as they made their way around a right turn: 13th place. No big deal, only a training run. Early on I felt I would be disappointed if I didn’t pick up my pace and show a little more effort so I started to focus on the runners in front of me, trying to catch them one at a time.

By the time my Garmin got reception, I found myself near mile 4 and quickly hit the lap button so I could at least start to check my mile splits. Mile 4 was WAY off and I found myself reaching mile 5 way before my watch did. I was feeling really good and comfortable, opting to listen to my ipod thinking it would help distract me from negative thoughts and block out any potential hard breathing.

By the time I got to mile 11, I had passed 8 women and there was a blonde girl in front of us that was pretty consistent and nearly out of reach. I felt very strong, mad at myself for all the negative thoughts and self-doubt as I turned into the finish line and noticing I better speed up if I wanted to break 1:27:00. Wow, I couldn’t believe it — just this February I ran a balls out race to run 1:26:18. I quickly called my coach who congratulated me and told me to continue running so I could get in 18 for the day. Overall I was the 5th women and 5th in my age group. Some pretty good gals out there with the winner coming in at 1:14:00.

Time to focus, time to tough it out mentally.

Finish Time: 1:26:57

Yesterday’s Santa to the Sea Half Marathon closed out my 7^th week of running including my first 50-mile week in a very long time.  These past weeks have been very trying and roller coaster-like.  It was interesting to see my fitness level upon my return, which was much better than I had anticipated and I was elated, but then my mental fitness seemed to suffer more and more as the weeks progressed.

I am finding that mental conditioning is almost as important as physical conditioning because it seems like we can simply erase weeks and weeks of very successful training by negativity and lack of confidence.  I have felt weak mentally in the last three to four weeks of training and it definitely showed in my post-run reports on DM and took up significant amount of my time, especially the night before and day-of tough runs (at least three per week: track/speed, tempo and long runs).

I noticed this trend right away and I also noticed it was affecting me in every aspect of my life – just plain negativity, stress and all without good reason. Weird. Not exactly sure where all of this came from but it was here and I didn’t like it at all and I immediately began to work on it.

As a suggestion from a friend, I downloaded several self-help/spiritual-type books on my Kindle and began burning through pages and pages of very interesting observation and I tried to incorporate some of those concepts/ideas into my life.  I found out after a few tough runs that I had stopped yelling at myself internally – I am notorious for saying, “stop being a pussy Trace,” and replaced it with, “baby you got this.” This sounds so cheesy but it was happening and often. Baby? Where the heck did I get that word? Pretty funny stuff. Anyway, it (it as in the attempt to focus on positive) did seem to help tremendously, although it seemed like the minute something negative happened, I was instantly drawn back into that state from hell and had to crawl back out again.

I am not really writing this to talk about my issues or anything like that, I just feel like I had a breakthrough run yesterday that just reconfirmed my second paragraph. Just the week before I couldn’t get in four miles at a 6:30 pace (my splits were 6:34, 6:48, 6:44 and 6:34) and yet I managed to get in 13.1 miles at a comfortable 6:38 pace.  I needed that run, I needed the confirmation that I am coming back with a strong return and that I need to continuously work on being more positive.

I mentioned in my last post that I had one small hiccup in my training since coming back. That small hiccup was me diving for the bouquet at a wedding (wearing 5″ heels) that send me crashing to the ground, giving a crotch peep show for all in front of me. Oh my gosh, what was I thinking? I would never go for the bouquet but my boyfriend’s brother Greg urged me on so I thought what the heck.  I did not end up catching the bouquet, I caught a single rose (meaning someone is off the hook) and I hurt my ankle. I have to take three days off from running to make sure everything was OK and on the fourth day, I ran without a problem. Thank goodness! It’s pretty tough being a runner since you sometimes have to give up small luxuries like high heels – stilettos specifically.  I can’t completely rid myself of them because sometimes a girl needs to feel sexy and shoes sure do help.

Anyway, on a related note, I came across this headline: Brides race for prizes in Serbia
What? Are you kidding me? I always tell my friends about the race, or actually a dash with women wearing high heels and then I find this!  This race is actually safer since you wear whatever shoes you want and potentially take home the designer dress you wear if you qualify for prizes.  Pretty good way to save some money if you ask me!

Hooray, I am running again! Four weeks of running with once a small hiccup and I am elated. Wow, I was out for 12 weeks and that felt like forever. Any day that I am unable to run truly feels like too long.  My first week back I was shocked to see how all the aqua running and spinning kept me fit. Of course I knew it would help to some extent but you know how you sometimes can’t really tell if something really works but you have to assume? Like when your foot hurts and you decide to buy new running shoes and when you test them out, your foot doesn’t don’t hurt anymore? Obviously you think the shoes did the trick but did you consider that you had taken a small break or did you count the numerous times you iced?  Well, I make those kind of assumptions all the time but with this recent experience, I finally have proof, no doubt in my mind.

By the end of my first week back I already had upset my coach. She sent my workouts and for my long run on Sunday, she wasn’t specific about my pace – she simply said, “9 miles 7:30 or faster”. Well, to me it was an opportunity to see what I could do without getting in trouble.  During that run I kept peeking at my pace and thinking there must be a mistake, there is now way I just ran a 6:36 sixth mile. By the end of the run, I had averaged a 6:56 pace and couldn’t have been happier. Well, that was until my coach found out!  Coach was very upset, acknowledging that she wasn’t very specific but happy to see where my current fitness level is. Since then, I get numerous text messages from her telling me to be patient so I don’t get injured again. You got it coach!

I am hoping my progress reports will continue to be good – cross training will continue to be a part of my program (for life) and I will be spending the next few days planning my 2012 race schedule.

Thank goodness October is here — August and September felt like the longest months of my life! I had been meaning to post about a few personal issues lately that really pulled on my heartstrings but I just didn’t have the energy to go back there and relive that whole ordeal. I kept thinking about it and finally I thought that I should just get it out of the way since in some respects, those dreadful experiences did in some weird force me to reconsider some of the choices I made and to reevaluate what’s important.

It all started with the final couple of weeks of my young cousin’s life.  He was battling cancer and me not being so close to my family, I observed the progress over Facebook.  Me being the worrier that I am, decided that I should probably schedule a few appointments just to make sure I was OK.

I started by visiting a dermatologist to get a screen cancer test, after all, I do spend quite a bit of time running outdoors and I do have a few moles/spots on my skin that I sometimes worry about.  After stuffing my purse with a some SPF samples in the waiting room, I was directed to the examining room.  Practically naked, wearing only a pair of undies and one of those paper gowns, shivering and waiting for what seemed like an eternity for the doctor (of course once the doctor came in the actual screening probably took less than 10 minutes).  In a nutshell she began by asking me questions like, “Do you wear sunscreen?” and then briskly but thoroughly began scanning my entire body.  I was so embarrassed even though I knew it was standard procedure and caught myself extremely tense when she had to practically pry my legs open to check my inner thigh area.  I can only imagine how red my face became. The whole procedure happened so quickly that I forgot to question a few specific markings that I meant to ask her about.  I was so relieved she told me that everything was normal and that she would see me again in one year. Before I left, she briefly told me remember this simple test when examining myself.

A (Assymetrical) – Moles and spots should be assymetrical — one side should mirror the other. A few examples would include circle, spade, heart, square, whatever.

B (Border) – The border of each marking should be consistent and not thicker in some area than others.

C (Color) – The mole/marking should be the same color all the way through. She also said that most people develop the same color markings on their body, sometimes you may develop one that is completely different in color and you should have it looked at.

D (Diameter) – Any markings that are bigger than 6mm in diameter (think of an eraser on a pencil) should be looked by your doctor.

E (Evolution) – Keep an eye on marking that change over time — they shouldn’t get bigger or change colors.

*Of course these are just guidelines, annual exams should be scheduled regardless.

Finally I thought to get a physical and a blood test since I rarely go to the doctor unless something is noticeably wrong.  I was pretty confident that everything would be OK but I was still a little worried and it didn’t help that the phlebotomist did something weird that caused me to feel severe pain while filling one of the vials. They notified me that they would only be able to do a partial physical since they were in the process of moving and that I could schedule the EKG and chest x-rays at a later date.  72 hours later I called to get the results the person who answered the phone said the doc would have to call me back. A few hours later the same girl, not the doctor called me back to say everything was fine and the results came back normal. I asked her, “If everything was not fine, would the doctor have called me instead?” She assured me that would have been the case.  I hung up the phone feeling very happy until a few days later I noticed that my cousin had passed away, and I found out from Facebook of course. Damn it.

Obviously I was really upset, not because of the way I found out but because the way I found out had become the typical way of finding out what is going on with my family.  Where most of us recognize how social media has changed the way we communicate with people, for me it actually had started bringing me closer to family that I wouldn’t have normally been in contact with.  Unfortunately I hadn’t been in “real” contact with my cousin for what seemed like 12-15 years but we had shared some closeness simply because of some common experiences.  I was also mad at myself for not visiting him when it was clear that time was limited even though he had already began refusing visitors.

Soon enough, details of his memorial were posted on FB, his own page which had become a way for everyone (family and friends) to check-in, show support, offer words of encouragement and express love.  His page would soon change to a memorial page that was managed by his widow and still very active today.

The night before his service I was literally out of my mind. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t stop crying and I was flooding my boyfriend’s cell phone with text messages, telling him I couldn’t go, I didn’t want to go.  I seriously even told myself I would rather die than go. He of course promised me that everything would be OK and that he would be there holding my hand and I could get through it.  What you don’t know is that this anxiety was about more than his passing, it was about dealing with reality and seeing my family (mom, dad, brother, everyone) while feeling so weak and vulnerable. I just couldn’t imagine getting through that day which would literally put me in front of some family that I hadn’t seen in more than a decade.  Mostly feeling angry about my childhood, angry and everyone for their decisions and even more angry at myself for moving far away as soon as I had the opportunity. And of course I was scared everyone hated me for distancing myself so much, assuming I thought I was better than them when I really just wanted to get away. Out of sight, out of mind.

We drove two hours to get to the service in Taft which lasted less than an hour. It was a great service filled with his family and tons of friends reminiscing on their precious time spent together.  It was eery to watch the powerpoint presentation full of pictures that I was already familiar with from seeing them on FB and my boyfriend and I both had envisioned what ours would look like substituting his dirt-bike racing photos with our marathon and race photos.  Something to really think about.

I of course was cold to my parents, I didn’t say much, I just wanted to get home RIGHT NOW and I even decided to skip the reception that followed.  As we headed out, I asked my boyfriend if he’d like to see the places where I had lived and the schools that I attended growing up.  Having just met my parents for the first time ever, he quickly obliged, probably surprised that I would utter such a thing and after a few hours of driving around and visiting these places, I gained the strength to change my mind, stop being selfish and decided to head to the reception to at least hug his wife and meet his 11-year old son for the first time.

I am so glad that I had changed my mind, it was a relief and so much weight was lifted off my chest. I knew things weren’t fixed but I knew that things were headed in the right direction. A first step of sorts. We left the reception a few hours later and I asked my boyfriend if he’d mind if we made one more pit stop to my parents house before we headed back. They had decided not to go to the reception and I really only got to say a handful of words, not so nice words, before they left. Of course he said yes and our night ended with some hugs, laughs and a new desire to work on these issues with them and more importantly myself.

A few days passed when I commented on my cousin’s memorial page on Facebook and I received the most amazing message from his wife:

“I just want you to know that even though [he] was 42 he looked up to you. He took such pride in showing our son all of your posts and pics about running. He was so excited that you were in the Boston Marathon. I think deep down inside he wished that he would have taken the chance and opportunity to leave this town the way you did. That’s why we push [our son] to know that sitting in this town is bad and it’s why we put so much of our income in an account for [him.] It’s sooo important that [he] leave this town and go to school over there or anywhere that he will learn a new lifestyle… LOL. He told him so many times that you set out and accomplished everything ON YOUR OWN. When [he] starts track again, maybe you can come down and show him some pointers.”

Seriously? My heart dropped, I just read the message over and over (I responded of course) and I cried too. It was a message that I needed to receive and I told myself it was time to change.

So after returning from Yosemite, I thought I would try running again, assuming my foot would let me. The first week 10/03-10/9 went really good. I ran four times that week without pain. Then this past week we added a few more runs/miles that really proved I was getting better.  On Monday I was supposed to run 5 miles at 8:00 pace but I was so focused on my foot that I ended up running a little too fast, around 7:30 pace. Coach wasn’t too happy about that but I felt a little better knowing that all this cross training did help keep me in shape considering that was a pretty easy run. I did promise that I would pay more attention moving forward. Besides running, I was also able to get some aquarunning intervals in too, which I am starting to long for (what the heck is wrong with me?).

I also discovered something really interesting last week too, my foot pain went away but the tightness in my calf was still there and by the second run that week, I felt it move up to my hamstring and lower back on the same side. I am hoping that this is the reason I was having pain in the first place because to me, it seems a lot more manageable. I tried to get on the foam roller a little more often and definitely need to incorporate some massages into my schedule. I have to admit though, this whole running life is very expensive, from gear, gym/pool fees, physical therapy, supplements and now maybe massages? Somethings have to suffer and I just don’t know which things to cut first.

Anyway, I hope I have a post next week discussing further running progress — my fingers are crossed!